Honorable Mentions:
Emmy
The wings represent the muse of art; the atom the electron of science. It was created by television engineer Louis McManus, using his wife as a model. She was very tiny.
MTV Movie Award
Surely a container of popcorn can stand on its own. Especially if it's filled with heavy gold popcorn. Yet, the popcorn sits on a base. This plain award lacks the sophistication of our other nominees. The cheap bastards don't even spring for the Super-Mega-Deluxe size container. If I win an MTV Movie Award I'll make sure to squirt yellow butter flavoring oil all over it as I strut off stage to the accompanying music of a one-hit wonder.
The Grammy
Based on the popular gramophone, a type of sowing
mechanism with a funnel attachment created by Emile Berliner when he
tried to sow up a hole in his beeswax pants and discovered music. This
award also relies on a stand to stay upright, when clearly it could stand on
its own. I've never seen a gramophone in a museum that needed a base, in fact I've never even seen a gramophone.
Golden Globes
Forever cursed as the least recognizable award. The Golden Globe's ugliness wrinkles people's hands at the touch. Jessica Tandy looked rather young before she won her Golden Globe in 1989 for Driving Miss Daisy (see photo below).
The shape of this award resembles a globe exploding out of a volcano sitting in a birdbath. Nominees are allowed to drink at these awards so they don't notice what they might win.
Country Music Association Award
Created to give you a great look at the winners hand, this clear rocket spaceship blasts off into, who cares?
MTV Music Video Award
The Moon Man is stylish, playful, shiny and creative. Unfortunately it represents stellar work for creating 3 min. commercials for musicians.
The Academy Award (Oscar)
A simple statuette of a knight holding a sword, standing on a reel of film with five spokes, which supposedly represent: Actors, Writers, Directors, Producers and Technicians. An Oscar means you've accomplished a great feat, or your studio has a great marketing department. Many jokes have been made about it being called an Oscar. See Hurty Elbow's Oscar Nominee Nominations.
The Winner of the Award Design Awards:
1994 Kawaga Basketball Camp Big East Most Improved Award.
This elegant and gorgeous plaque is our winner, because I won it. It says, "Man you sucked when you got here, but now you don't suck as much. Not that we're saying you're good. Here, just take this and go. And don't mention that whole thing about your drunk counselor, a casino, a strip club and him getting sick outside your cabin. See ya later!"
