Hurty Elbow

Xtrme Clash of the Choirs

Clash of the Choirs is the name of an actual television special airing this December on NBC.  This brilliant idea was conceived before the Writer's Strike.  Imagine what we'll get if they stay on strike.

"Clash of the Choirs is a four-night competition featuring five celebrity choir directors - Nick Lachey, Patti LaBelle, Blake Shelton, Michael Bolton and Kelly Rowland - that will begin airing at 8pm on NBC December 17th. These 5 celebrity musical artists are assembling a choir of 20 singers to compete each night." [NBC]

Somewhere a choir-less Kirk Franklin is curled up alone with a laptop trying not to click his way back into addiction.

This special series comes from BBC Worldwide Prod.  The same company that brought Dancing with the Stars to the U.S.  Which really didn't take off until Season 4 when Honda's Robot ASIMO performed.  "You danced gloriously, like a machine!!!"

In case you thought there'd be a lack of drama, consider this quote regarding the British version; Choir Wars, "A video of Chantage, last year’s Radio 3 Choir of the Year winners, provoked a furious reaction after it was placed on YouTube.  "The diction during the tenor portion was terrible, the sopranos were extremely off pitch near the end, and vowel shapes were non-existent," complained Tenor207."

Mishaped vowels! A E I Oh no!  Tenors, diction, pitch and vowels are all things American viewers will be paying very close attention to.  Let the battle begin!

Amazon Kindle's E-lphebet

Amazon's ebook reader Kindle wrote to me with e-words and said, "I'm reinventing the book."  Words are so outdated.  Paper is dead.  Literally.  Dead wood.  Ancient scrolls had words on them too.  Every time you wanted to read one, you had to unroll it and set something heavy on the corners.  Like a loaf of bread or something.  What an ancient pain.

How about writing in Kindle's E-ink?  Authors toiling away at Etch A Sketches.  It supports almost every letter of the "E-lphebet".  Sorry, it's so electronic it replaces all the a's with e's.

There's also a keyboard so you can search within a book to help you cheat on papers and you'll be able to flip "pages" with a button.  It's neat-o.

I don't care either way, since I have interns who flip pages for me whenever I want.  Even when I read in the bathroom, which is kind of awkward, but not as much as them wiping for me.

The majority of people don't like the looks of the Kindle.  It reminds me of boring.  I think it's fitting, since books are boring.  Too many important metaphors and trickery.

The complaints will come quick, "I can't watch videos!" or "Where the grayscale boobs?!" or "Does it do, insert the MP3s???"

I wish there was something else I could read things on.  Like a computer (what's that?!) or the internet (future word!), or a Palm Pilot (R.I.P.).

I had a Palm Pilot for a long time.  It was a little Sony CLIÉ.  It fit in my palm!  Is that why they called them that?  I never knew...  I downloaded all kinds of electronic words.  Including PDF legal briefs for a course on copyright law (this is actually true).  A 48 page PDF became 500,000 pages to click through.  I think you can see which pros outweighed the cons.

All this money spent so people can read while relaxing.  You could read on a laptop in the bathroom, on a couch, in bed, or while sitting in an office chair.  Where else do you need to read?  While you're hiking Mt. Everest?  I hiked it  a long time ago, like back when it wasn't so tall.  I didn't have a lot of time to read.  I was too busy, you know, hiking and trying to breathe.

To conclude.  The Kindle sounds neat-o and lets you pay to read e-words.  This post cost you 99¢.

Huck Finn Anime

In 1976 an animated series of Huckleberry Finn was produced.  I believe these are the opening titles in two different languages (I prefer the catchy tune of the first) complete with rainbows and a flying Huck Finn.

"le avventure di Huckleberry Finn"

"Les aventures de Huckleberry Finn"

Mark Twain would be so proud.

Prison Break Plays Make-Believe

Prison Break's fall finale was packed with awesome!  Bad acting,  dumb dialogue, and terrible stunts!  The force of Wentworth Miller's punch can deck you from a foot away!

This is how Wentworth Miller is able to perform his own stunts.

Whose Elbow #4?

Whose Elbow?  Click to find out...

This person is dead. I don't want there to be any confusion.  I picked this photo, because I love the odd placement of the hand on the chair.  Yes, that's a chair.  This witty person sat down.  Does that help?  He/she was also a man/woman of very few heard words.  Unscramble these letters for your last clue.

,stl Yesom

This week's answer includes bonus footage inspired by this person's work that I guarantee you've never seen.

Whose Elbow? #3

Whose Elbow?  Click to find out...

What a pale and truly frightening looking elbow.  You haven't seen her in a while, because she's been busy being frightened to be home alone.  The idea scares her so much that she's considered buying a gun.  I'm not sure how this would help.  If she's alone, who's she going to shoot?  Herself?  That would be terrible.  But a sure Oscar win for the actress to play her in a biopic.

Hér namé also réquires an accént mark.  It makes people take her more seriously as an actress.  Unlike all her early films.

Not Cute Enough: Spiders Badonkadonks

Not Cute Enough for Cute Overload.

What do you do if you find a huge spider like this in your bedroom?  It's too intimidating to pick up, too gooey to smash, and too scary to invite into bed with you.  Maybe you could turn the tables and lay out some duct tape and hope for the best?

I like to think little world travelers are stowed away in the large hump.  The voluptuously large and firm rear (thanks to it's hard exoskeleton) has three levels and a grand ballroom where everyone assembles nightly for miniature boozing and debauchery.  The top level is an attic filled with cobwebs.  Obviously.

If you smashed the spider, the tiny inhabitants would spill out, dropping wine glasses and used contraceptives.  Though I'm not sure why they use them, since I've never heard of spider STD's.  Maybe there are?  Think about that the next time a spider crawls in your mouth while you sleep.

Image Source