Hurty Elbow

Four Years of Hurt

Hurty Elbow began as a small joke web log in 2005.  It grew into a fairly successful comedy site and drew traffic from Gawker Media, Boing Boing, and Buzzfeed, but links have slowed.  After an animated series, comics, elbow trivia, ugly animals, Back to the Future, half beards, drunk astronauts, Presidential Losers, and Mona Lisa on Redbook; I'm out of ideas.

Hurty Elbow needs a reboot.  I'm taking time off to rethink the site.  Thanks to everyone who's ever contributed, commented, or read my work over the past four long years.

 

Joe Avella's Wheelchair Werewolf

The trailer for the as yet, un-produced horror flick Wheelchair Werewolf is brought to you by Chicago comedy creator Joe Avella*.  "Joe Avella is an independent filmmaker, actor, writer, improviser, and sketch comedian."

"Action City Bathroom is a nonstop-action-crime-thriller that takes place completely in a bathroom."

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Joe frequently performs with Tim Racine as the comedy duo Teenager of the Year whose short film Scatterbrained was screened at SXSW.  Avella's other work includes, Le Arthouse Theatre (classic films re-imagined with way more blood) and guest-starring work with seasoned improv performer Neil Arsenty on the MWTSS (Midwest Teen Sex Show).

Joe Avella on:

• Youtube
• Facebook
• Twitter

Tim Racine on:

• Tumblr
• Twitter

Neil Arsenty on:

• Youtube
• Twitter

*Mr. Avella declined to be interviewed by fax machine.

Unpossible Uses for Twitter

You broadcast your every move to the world on Twitter, but to avoid embarrassment you probably purchase family planning at the self checkout.  Twitter tells the world what you're doing, but it can't do these:

 

  

Killer Murdering Sharks Attack School

A large pack of killer deadly murdering sharks were caught attacking a school of baitfish off Gold Coast beaches in Australia.  Swimming with dolphins sounds delightful; swimming with baitfish looks like an awful idea.  If you're still contemplating taking a dip, shark feeding frenzies like this happen every year around March.  Hope to see you there.

 

• Full Story [goldcoast.com.au]
  
• Full Gallery [goldcoast.com.au]
• Bait fish bring shark danger to Gold Coast, warn experts [couriermail.co.au]

Clever Gifts for Strange Shoppers

The economy in the U.S. is doing poorly, so if possible, make sure to buy overseas.

Cassette tape shaped tape dispenser.

Frozen Smiles.  Ice cube trays in the shape of dentures.

Suggestive Keyholders for your wall.  Inappropriate for your underpants.

 

Super Mario Cubeecraft & Friends

Model cars were the worst.  Breaking bits of plastic off a giant grid and gluing them together alone in your room while other children who had friends played outside.  What a bummer.

Cubeecraft paper toys are the anti-bummer.  They're simple and fun paper crafts you cut, slice, and fold to make pop culture characters.  No adhesives necessary.  Make your own friends from FREE to download cartoon, comic, and original templates.

To name a few... Barack Obama, Mario, Darth Vader, TMNT and the perfectly suited Spongebob Squarepants.

Check out "The Life & Super Death of Cubeecraft Mario", to see how it works.

Super Paper Craft Mario from Hurty Elbow.

Cubeecrafts can be as large as the paper you print them on.  Thicker stock is recommended for easier construction and to retain the cube's shape.  Cubeecraft Toys are created by Christopher Beaumont.

"Originally inspired by commercial package design, I fine tuned the Cubees structure for over a year in advance of launching it to the public."
-Christopher Beaumont

• Official Cubeecraft Site
• Download blank templates to make your own.
• Mario Takes a Drink [Vid]
• Vodafone - Christmas Clones [Upload your face to xmas Cubees]
  

The Biggest Loser Uncensored!

NBC's The Biggest Loser has seen individuals, couples, and families lose weight and change their lives.  Now it's time to see them change their clothes.  Introducing The Biggest Loser Uncensored!

Go beyond the inane challenges, promotional tie-ins, and exploitation.  Never before seen footage of all your favorite contestants, like you've never seen them before.  The red team, the blue team, the nude team.

Catch all the hottest behind the scenes action!  The hook-ups, the break-ups, the push-ups.  Brought to you raw, real, and uncensored.  It's out of control, like their weight.

"It's wholesome entertainment for the whole family!"

-Tyra Banks

Nothing but totally exposed treadmills, nubile weigh-ins and steamy showers.  Watch competitors slim down, trim down, and strip down.  What do they weigh when the clothes come off?

Ogle embarrassing moments that had to be blurred on TV.  Like that one time that lady popped out of her top while she was climbing a mountain and almost died.

Over-sized Special Features include an endless loop of swear words and insightful Director's Commentaries.  Don't miss out, catch all the action now on DVD and Blu-ray!

A Real Mouse Is Terrifying

Your cat strolls in with a tail hanging from her mouth.  She drops a disgusting dead mouse on the floor.  No wait, it's alive.  The mouse runs into a corner so you act brave and call for help.  The cat just sits there.  Somewhat proud of herself.

Help arrives and tries smashing it under some books with a fist.  It doesn't work.  The mouse scampers into another corner.  You try to find something with a long handle to thwack it with.  You don't want your hands anywhere near the thing, because remember, you're brave.

Someone grabs a vaccum cleaner with a large hose.  Flipping the switch on scares the mouse in your exact direction.  It'd be logical to place a tupperware container over the mouse to trap it.  Instead, you throw the tupperware container at the mouse.  And jump in the air.

Your illogical actions scare the mouse into the screen sliding door.  You quickly slide the glass door shut and trap it in the track between freedom and death.  As it runs back and forth trapped, the cat chases it.  All you can think is, "Has the cat done this before when I wasn't around?"

Things I'd Like to See in Zero Gravity

World's Heaviest Man; Manuel Uribe Garza

He once weighed 1,218 lbs, but in space Manuel Uribe wouldn't weigh anything.  It'd be the best solution for his weight issues.

Someone Getting a Haircut While Eating Spaghetti

Hair clumps separate into individual strands, while spaghetti does the same.  Eventually someone eats their own hair in confusion, followed by the possibility of projectile vomiting.

Weeping Willows

It's kind of like that time in physics class when that one girl with the long thin hair touched that metal thing and all her hair stood up and stuff.  Then she turned into a tree.  It was depressing, but the lumberjack in class got turned on.

The Life & Times of Tim

To answer, "What happens when your girlfriend comes home before your hooker has left?" ad-man Steve Dildarian used Photoshop, an audio track and iMovie to create a short film called Angry Unpaid Hooker.  It's crude style and awkward sensibilty had a unique charm that seduced select audiences.  The Aspen Comedy festival created a category for Best Animated Short just to give it an award.  Watch it below.

Angry Unpaid Hooker is the inspiration for HBO's new animated series The Life & Times of Tim. It's the first animated series to hit the channel since Spawn.  It's also a lot funnier than Spawn.

Creator, Executive Producer and Voice Actor Steve Dildarian is also the man behind the Budweiser Lizards and Clydesdale Donkey campaigns.  His work has won over 35 Clios.  Which is equivalent to one Miss Cleo.

The Life & Times of Tim premieres 9.28.08

Tim's opinion on Debbie's badonkadonk.

• Official Site
• Interview about Tim & Angry Unpaid Hooker at animationshow.com
• Long on Shorts [NY Post]
• The Animation Show 4 [Village Voice]
• "There is a true sadness to the voice that the donkey needed,"
• TV Spot for Budweiser: Donkey wants to be Clydesdale
• Budweiser Compilation
  

Thanks to Joanna from Deep Focus for the tip.