A large pack of killer deadly murdering sharks were caught attacking a school of baitfish off Gold Coast beaches in Australia. Swimming with dolphins sounds delightful; swimming with baitfish looks like an awful idea. If you're still contemplating taking a dip, shark feeding frenzies like this happen every year around March. Hope to see you there.
Not Cute Enough for Snorable.org.
Depression hurts. Doggy depression hurts more. It's like the weight of the world is crushing down on your four little legs.
Thoughts of suicide are common. Your dog may try eating chocolate, raisins, or tomatoes. These could all cause bodily harm. Be sure to also check behind your car wheels every morning before work.
Thankfully there are doggy depression medications such as Prozac. Natural antidepressants include dog bones, tennis balls and fetch. Some dogs get more depressed after long walks. They're tired. Man.
If you, or someone you know has a dog that's exhibiting symptoms of depression please talk to your veterinarian. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Not Cute Enough for Snorable.org.
You wake up, and you want bacon. You want bacon so bad, but you can't find it anywhere. You'd try the fridge, but you're not at home. You're out about running errands, in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes, you just have to resort to rustic bacon.
This animal is where rustic bacon comes from. A wild boar pig thing with large tusks. It may also be what tofu is made of.
Hunting rustic bacon has its pitfalls. Boar attacks are painful, and you might get "food" poisoning, but you'll grin and bear it because bacon is delicious.
Not Cute Enough for Cute Overload.
Female mosquitoes love biting people. Their tiny straw drains blood and afterwards they use it to spread malaria. That's pretty much all they do. Sometimes they mate.
Mosquito bites itch, because of the malaria. It's highly contagious as well. You can get it by sharing drinks, or from kissing a mosquito. Some people are immune to mosquito bites. These people will never die.
Some symptoms of Malaria are fever, chills, and nausea. Feeling ill? You might have it now! If you're truly unlucky it's possible your malaria can lead to coma and death. Don't worry though, it's totally not that deadly.
You can use insect repellent and periodically slap yourself in random places to ward off mosquitoes. Long sleeves and pants will also help, unless you're on a hiking trail and someone has stolen all of your clothes.
Keep in mind, there is no vaccine for malaria. So, it's a lot like rabies. At least dog bites don't itch, right?
Not Cute Enough for Cute Overload.
This toothless snake looks like a baby rattle, but it's not meant for kids. Really! Don't start shaking one.
Snakes are not a great get-well gift. Off come the bandages and suddenly there's a bulging snake head with googly eyes popping out of a box. But what if I put it in a bag, instead of a box? They still won't like it. Not even if you coil it up at the bottom of a rainbow patterned handbag, under a bunch of stuffed animals.
Snakes just polarize people. You love them, hate them, or wear them as boots. Perhaps snakes would be more cuddly if they were furry. They'd make great scarves. Just imagine a boa constrictor scarf, how wonderful! "Please wrap this boa around your neck."
Some common snake questions include: Where are the legs? Why can't it talk? Why is it always staring!?! The simple answer is, "Run! There's a snake over there that just ate someone's hand."
Not Cute Enough for Cute Overload.
What do you do if you find a huge spider like this in your bedroom? It's too intimidating to pick up, too gooey to smash, and too scary to invite into bed with you. Maybe you could turn the tables and lay out some duct tape and hope for the best?
I like to think little world travelers are stowed away in the large hump. The voluptuously large and firm rear (thanks to it's hard exoskeleton) has three levels and a grand ballroom where everyone assembles nightly for miniature boozing and debauchery. The top level is an attic filled with cobwebs. Obviously.
If you smashed the spider, the tiny inhabitants would spill out, dropping wine glasses and used contraceptives. Though I'm not sure why they use them, since I've never heard of spider STD's. Maybe there are? Think about that the next time a spider crawls in your mouth while you sleep.
Not Cute Enough for Cute Overload.
These are the kind of animals that scare children away from swimming pools. They're frightening and have full-body braille tattoos that scream, "I will chew through your calves!"
You could picture these brutes gnawing through the filter of a swimming pool, and attacking the toes of summer swimmers. As you slipped under, you'd find drowning a suitable alternative to the excruciating nibbling. The lifeguard couldn't save you. Nobody could. Because there's no match for underwater evil.
Thankfully, they're not in your local swimming pool, but they're in your local ocean. A sopping place that pours salt in your every wound. The next time you're deep in the ocean and you see a picture of these creatures, just remember to respect the oogly eyes and pointy teeth of underwater evil. Your calves will thank you.
Not Cute Enough for Cute Overload.
The next time you're sailing through Mongolia, remember to stay away from marmots. They're rumored to be carriers of the Bubonic Plague. These toothy Ninjas can even kill you from the inside out, like two men that ate one for dinner in China's Tibet region.
Marmots are rodent-like "animals" with "fur", "teeth" and "eyes". Marmot fur is thick to survive cold Siberian winters, but they can still be seen periodically on cold nights huddled around a campfire. Marmot fur can also be worn on the head like a hat, but remember to take the fur off the marmot first before wearing it. Keep in mind, skinning the marmot, may actually kill it. Ultimately it's your call.
Happy sailing!
Not Cute Enough for Cute Overload.
A tree branch falling through a roof isn't cute. It's even less cute if it's your neighbor's garage, and it's your tree. I'm not saying this is my neighbor's garage (it is), but if it was, I'm sure she'd be fine with it. A lot of people hang a tennis ball in their garage to mark how far to pull the car in. She can pull in until the jagged branch scrapes her windshield.
It's since been removed and patched up, but I often wonder, what if...
What if I had been standing on top of the garage during that thunderstorm. Would I still be here to type this? I mean really. What if???
Not Cute Enough for Cute Overload.
Sometimes animals are kind of cute when they're little. Like, a puppy with a pacifier or a tail-less lizard. But a baby scorpion with baby poison isn't any cuter than an adult scorpion with adult poison.
There's this misconception that they all want to kill you. It's simply not true. They just want to sting you. It's your fault if you die. Venom's not a choice. It just wants to be set free. In your blood stream.
On the other hand, hairy legs are kind of cute.
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